.... I am so not yet ready

Its been months since I was presented with the opportunity to embarked on this journey to undo the knots of my decadent past.
Though this seem cliche'd but I had to make a decision which would change me for years to come.

"This is your last chance.
After this there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill, the story ends,
you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland,
and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.... "

Reflecting back, this was how the conversation would have been....... (By the way, the dialogue is an excerpt from the Matrix. Ya, ya... i know... i am a geek... :) )

So, How am I faring?
Am doing good..
Or so I thought....

Series of opportunities in different facets has been put forth to test me,
And for the better part of it, the internal commotions have been dealt with amicably,

Until the final test...

Matters dealing with the sensitivities of emotions are more composed, though it still remains tender.
I find that that part of me still remains skeptical, suspicious, possessive and some circumstances, silently staking claims on "things" which is not mine to begin with.

At times, my fists are still tightly clenched on imaginary emptiness
which only feeds into my illusionary desire,
and that rots me from within.

..............

I am so not yet ready...
Not ready to receive...
Even more so, not ready to give

I have still alot to learn.

Meantime, I brave on and I pray that opportunities continue to come my way
to test and reassure me on my progress.

And so my journey goes....