Thursday, January 31, 2002

Reflections of my past: Part II



High school was pretty much the standard routine.

Social activities weren’t as abundant as I hoped it would be.
The usual after school classes and some school activities sporadically sprinkled across my weekly schedule.
Feeling like a misfit, I longed to be affiliated to a group who wanted me.
Who doesn’t?

Soon the longing disappeared as new found associations made its path towards me.
And such associations led me to a dishonorable path which till today holds a scared memory in the depths of my past.
Rebellious attitudes and disgruntled feelings seeded itself into my consciousness.
Iniquitous activities soon became a common ground where extorts, fights and illicit acts are routine and dare I say, close to being habitual.

What have I become?!?
I have turned into the thing which goes against all that has been instilled in me by my family. Turned into this thing which has no honor, self respect and discipline whatsoever.
Spiritually rotted from within, I am beyond redemption….
All this just to savor that sense of belonging and acceptance.

As though all hope is lost, no glimmer of salvation in sight,
A kindred soul appeared out from a distance, gently and slowly inching towards me.
Her warm grace and gentle glow welcomes me to a sanctuary where I reflected upon my hideous and repulsive persona.
I gazed in disgust, in anger and in great shame as reflections of myself engulfed me.

Is there any forgiveness for someone such as I?

“Yes”, a calm, soothing and gentle voiced echoed.
The angelic figure smiled and embraced me with a foreign welcoming warmth.
Rage, Disgruntled and rebellious intentions subsided within me as I felt calming and reassuring affections.
This is the true sense of belonging and acceptance I really needed.

Henceforth, my travels towards recovery was evident, though not uncomplicated.
There were instances where withdrawal symptoms enticed me to the nether regions of my dark past.
Calling to me, like cheap call girls soliciting for
commercial arrangements with bountiful freebies to offer.

I am made of sterner attributes than this as I have found my foundation, my perspectives and my belonging.

To the angel whose warm gentle glow had salvaged me from the depths of my own demonic abyss,

"I thank you, love you and cherish you."

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