Reflections of my past: Part III

“What now?”
“Get a job and work, I suppose”
That was how my first serious conversation went with Dad when I got my SPM results (similar to GCE “O” levels).

Not the sharpest tool in the shed, I barely scrounged thru when it came to high school studies.
This is mostly due to my illicit activities.

I could hear water gushing in and air bubbling out of Dad’s heart as it sank hearing my monotonous and defeated answer.
Though he tried hard to hide it, I could see the disappointment beyond his eyes.
“Let’s make a deal” Dad bounced back in his last effort to encourage me to make good of my future
“I’ll send to you college for one more year, but you need to promise me you will study hard”
Though the intention was to grant the opportunity to redeem myself from the consistent red markings in my report card,
My perspective was the opportunity to be on parental welfare a year longer to what I thought was an inevitable path given my less than upstanding credentials.
Fantastic! I get to enjoy for a year longer!

As serendipity would have it, I was cast as a misfit into a class where the best and the brightest reside.
And I do mean the best and the brightest;
five of the top ten students within my program were my humble classmates,
Three of them were top five,
And Yes, the top student sat across the classroom from me.

Academic pressure never seemed so authentic
till I scored my first A- for my midterm Economics paper
a feat I was so proud it triggered my instinctive competitive nature to compare it with the rest of the class
Only to be humbled by fact that my A- landed me within the last 10 spots among my classmates.
Distraught and devastated, I gazed into emptiness as my mind crunched and my ego bruised
Feelings of defeat filled me from within as the shroud of futility casts its dark and gloomy shadow upon my struggles to shed myself from my shameful past.

“Why so sad?” a tender voice breaks through the emptiness of my thoughts.
As I explained my situation to her, I painfully relived the ill-fated “A-“ account with classmates exhibiting scores higher than my own.
She offered her sympathies and consoled me
with statements which depicts the complexity level of the exam…
until I revealed the climax of my story… my grade itself.
“What? The highest grade in my class was a B+!”

Hearing that, I continue to sit on the balcony railing, in a moment of silence,
Pondering upon our conversation,
The gravity of the matter then hit me,
The sinking feeling anchored me down and
I came to the realization that I was congregating among the elite.
The lessons I amassed whilst with this group stretches
far beyond my expectations and intellect
Generosity was truly their virtue as they unconditionally contributed lessons after lessons towards the fundamentals of my learning aptitude.
Someone up there is looking out for me.
(*Thank You!*)

As the year ended, I manage to make proud of dad and myself.
The results were very encouraging,
something which even caught me by surprise.
Several universities of choice offered me a placing;
which I found myself ever so eager to accept
I was ecstatic!
Melbourne, Sydney, Manchester, Brisbane, Perth,
All I needed was to choose.
To choose a country with residing friends and family members.
where if needed, are able to help me.

However, serendipity had other plans as it once again weaved itself into my journey
and pulling it off tangent.

I was suggested by a confidant that I
needed to be in an environment with least distractions and little attractions
if I were to successfully complete my university degree.
needed to be in an environment where the faculty are dynamic and able to push me to excel.
She knew me well.
She knew that I was easily distracted by the luring of bright lights and endless entertainment of city life.
She knew that though I progressed by leaps and bounds, my foundation still needed to be reinforced.
She pointed bluntly that I currently needed a study sanctuary to compensate for my lack in discipline.
Damn! I cursed myself in silence as her comments couldn’t be further from the truth.
She revealed that one flaw which I thought was able to conceal.
Swallowing the bitter pill, I accepted my undeniable shortcoming.
And accepted her recommendation to jet set to New Zealand to further my studies,
A place she thought was the best sanctuary for me.

Nothing much I knew about the country.
All I knew was that NZ had a human population 2 million versus 10 million sheep;
And that if the sheep were smart and formed a political party,
Humans would be voted out and the sheep would run the country.

Within 2 weeks, my venture into the unknown was cast in stone.
I was going to a place with no friends and no relatives.
No safe haven if I needed protection.
A great opportunity to start afresh and liberate me from the wrong doings of my past.
SOMEONE up there IS looking out for me.

Tears of joy and happiness were exchanged
Proud expressions were shown
I boarded the NZ bound aircraft reflecting upon my journey thus far
I felt blessed because my life journey is filled with opportunities to alternate paths.
And more importantly,
I felt blessed with the entrusted guides positioned at every pivotal point to usher me towards the better path.

As the engines roared and my seat rumbled
I felt excited and eager to find out where this journey will lead me
Little did I know, my ignorant and seemingly hasty decision would set a path towards an adventure of a lifetime.
One journey has ended and
another is set to begin…