Facing the sun with shadows behind my back... :P

Someone once told me,
face forward and keep walking towards the sun,
And you will cast all your shadows behind you.

Conventionally, this translates to the notion of
consistently looking at the bright side of any given situation and
not focus on the short comings of which the given situation brings.
At the same time this proverb subtly hints that in any given situation
there is always always a bright side.
Its just a matter of us turning our heads and look at things in a different light, hence "facing the sun".

However, more recently I have an alternate opinion of this proverb
and what "they" don't tell you.
Funny how "they" sugar coat all the airy fairy stuff
and conveniently leave the bitter pits behind for you to savor after.
What they don't tell you is that
The more you face the sun,
The closer you walk towards the sun,
You are bound to get burnt.
Think about it.... how long can you last with all the ultra violet rays
gently bouncing of your supple skin.
Sooner of later something gonna give.

Of late, times have been trying and
during these trying times,
I try to dig up inspirational proverbs to pacify my heavy thoughts...
I embraced the "face the sun" proverb ever so eagerly....
And the more trying times became,
the more I try to become learned on the intricacies of facing the sun.
And what I got was a burnt face.... the harder I try, they darker i become.

So, whilst it may be true that facing the sun brings sunlight to your face...
and that very sunlight burns my face....

So much for the proverb....
Now, will someone pass me some sun block before I get burnt to a crisp...
:p

.... I am so not yet ready

Its been months since I was presented with the opportunity to embarked on this journey to undo the knots of my decadent past.
Though this seem cliche'd but I had to make a decision which would change me for years to come.

"This is your last chance.
After this there is no turning back.
You take the blue pill, the story ends,
you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland,
and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.... "

Reflecting back, this was how the conversation would have been....... (By the way, the dialogue is an excerpt from the Matrix. Ya, ya... i know... i am a geek... :) )

So, How am I faring?
Am doing good..
Or so I thought....

Series of opportunities in different facets has been put forth to test me,
And for the better part of it, the internal commotions have been dealt with amicably,

Until the final test...

Matters dealing with the sensitivities of emotions are more composed, though it still remains tender.
I find that that part of me still remains skeptical, suspicious, possessive and some circumstances, silently staking claims on "things" which is not mine to begin with.

At times, my fists are still tightly clenched on imaginary emptiness
which only feeds into my illusionary desire,
and that rots me from within.

..............

I am so not yet ready...
Not ready to receive...
Even more so, not ready to give

I have still alot to learn.

Meantime, I brave on and I pray that opportunities continue to come my way
to test and reassure me on my progress.

And so my journey goes....

His inspiration lives on......

I just found out that last friday (26th July 2008), one of the many who inspires me has moved on... GOD bless his soul. I was so inspired by this person I made an entry about him.

Dr. Randy Pausch was a brilliant man, I respected him for that, even more so, I was inspired his perspectives on life and how to live it. His "Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted" is deeply ingrained within me. You see, Dr. Randy suffered from pancreatic cancer and no matter what happened subsequently, he decided to live his remaining days being positive and living it in accordance to what is important to him. For those are not familiar, Dr. Randy is famous for many things, and the one which struck out the most is his "Last Lecture" speech at Carnegie Melon. This man is so generous. I still remember the part of the video where the whole lecture hall is focused on him and he decided to focus that attention to his wife.. whose birthday was shadowed by his lecture. So, he brought his wife up, brought in the cake and sang happy birthday to her... and this was the time where he was suppose to give his last lecture at Carnegie.

In his "Last Lecture", vivid images of him telling how to live life was inspiring. It humbled me, and sort of extracted me from my need for material things and how sometimes I place it above to those above me. Randy woke me up with his inspiring speech. He touched my life and changed my life by just living his. And the funny truth is that he didn't even mean to teach the lesson to the rest of us.... all he wanted was to give that speech to his kids; and in doing so, he touched millions of lives; mine included.

Here's to Dr. Randy Pausch.
May he rest in peace with GOD.
And may his inspiration live on deep within us.
.....
.....
.....

My condolences to his wife and kids.

Here is the link of his passing.
A few more links which serves as a memorial for Randy Pausch
- from Carnegie Melon
- from Wikipedia

Relentless Discovery....

To ignite oneself is not the most easy thing to be done,
especially when one lay deep within the cinder ash of the once burning flames.
Yes, I am still trying to find myself among the sooty cinder ash,
Digging and sifting through with an eternal hope to discover that part of me to re-ignite.
Trying to find that combustible piece to flint a spark towards that once lost passion.

Indeed, current circumstances and thoughts are calmer,
where ripples losing momentum to a standstill,
enabling reflections which mimics itself upward.
I am sad to admit of my progress or more aptly my stagnation.
I have yet to be independently driven on a personal level.
I have yet to discover passions which will propel me,
I remain easily unamused to most circumstances and situations.
Yet, I am determined to be relentless in this pursuit for passion.

Indeed, I need to....
Otherwise I will remain in the monotonous state of mediocrety and emptiness...
which will ultimately consume me.

For now, I can only pray that I discover passion,
Either that, or pray for passion to find me....
:)

State of constant flux

That is the only way I can describe the past few months.
Multiple dynamic streams of intertwined circumstances and situations engulfs my senses;
These events are overwhelming... in a good way.
Can feel my inner being inching towards the so desired state of equilibrium.

On the vocational foreground, steep learning curves positions me in precarious circumstances... in a good way,
Keeps the inquisitive nature within me occupied in a constructive manner.

On the personal background, familiar activities and close ties are regaining the once lost footing. I am gaining some traction towards my personal goals, though the progress encountered are minuscule. Still, its heading towards a bearing I would like to motion towards.

On the emotional underground, quakes has cracked strings of crevices across my soul where waves of kaleidoscopic incidences exposes the tender side of me, pitting me to face up to circumstances I once avoided.

Such are the reflections of the past few months. Simply put, I am currently threading in a vortex of Constant Flux! How exciting! :P