Murakami

I stumbled on Murakami's work by accident. Surfing the web, bored and unamused, I landed myself upon a site depicting 10 books you must read for this decade. And out of the 10, 1 caught my attention. Like a calling from the internet abyss, I was subtly drawn closer to the link...., "Click me.. Click me...." it whispered... sheepishly obedient I did, and in hindsight, I am glad that he did not disappoint.

That was a month ago, and currently, I am digesting a second of his literature. Indeed, Murakami is a great writer. His style of artistic compositions tells literature of cats, jazz bars, relationships, sheeps and life in Japan. And he tells it as it comes to him.... raw, mysterious and at time edgy. My interest in his work is ever growing (the above is his latest, the second book of his I am reading... a story of different sort, rather Murakami's imagination, this inks his reflections when running).

My curiousity in literature has never crossed the borders of business writing. My staple literature diet consists of marketing, business strategies, leadership and other business related writings. Ofcourse there are the occassional lifestlyle articles which seeks to help you understand yourself better for the gazzilion-th time.... or how to scan, disect and analyse your relationships intricately with such precision as relationship surgeon can... just by answering 10 multi choice recycled questions. But I have yet to venture on literature of this nature.....

Admittedly, my interest in Murakami's writing is encouraging. The book above is his latest, and my second book by him. The moment I read the initial pages, I am hooked. Though not his usual writing, this books exclusively invites us to have a partial glimpse of his life and also his passion (besides writing ofcourse). This book depicts his passion to particiate in marathons and triathlons; and more inportantly, his thoughts while running. And it is here I had one of those epiphanic moments..... his foreword reads "Pain is inevitable,..... Suffering is optional". And its this very thought that is left lingering in my mind.... playing over and over like a record repeating itself. Though Murakami puts it into the context of running, I sense a deeper perspective which hints towards a life philosophy. Maybe its unintentional or maybe it is.. but when I read it, it struck accord with my thoughts... and its so true.

Though pain is not an option for all of us.. suffering is inflicted and in most cases relates to our unwillingness of letting go. How coincidential that what I have been expressing and writing about revolves around that.

Indeed, Murakami's books are a good read. Cannot wait to finish this one and start another.

The end was only the begining...

Round and round it goes,
when will it stop nobody knows,
The begining? The end?
Unable to fend...
I am spiralling into an abyss of enternal void....

Decisions made was unmade;
Firm ground buckles in;
Like water to paper bridges,
I am tumbling again from a once sure footing,

Where do I even begin to verbally illustrate
the visual perspectives and emotional sensations
which interprets my reality.
When will this end?

Unable to comprehend?
That is but a glimpse of the incomprehensible fickleness endured.

An end was made for the wrong reason;
For it was persued with the wrong intent.
And that is why the inevitable acceptance had to be reversed.
And that was the crux of my revalation
as divine interventions circumvented my conciousness.

I am back at where I began...
pondering if there is ever an end to this...
I have yet an answer but
My fleeting thought is this....

"Every end leads to a begining, and
Every begining there is an end.....
my question is which is which and
when will it end...."

Inevitable acceptance

I, for one seldom gives up on something which I truly want or desire;
Preferring to thrive within the toughest of times;
in the most desolate enviroments to get the wants and desires;
Hanging in there with that one glimmer of hope,
that endurance and patience will somehow
trounce and vanquish these thriving cycles.

I believed that wants and desires is rewarded
to those who posseses the
the longest of stamina;
the highest of determination; and
the abundance of patience.

But there comes a time where even an
unyielding and obstinate person such
as myself need accept the detested and despised path laid before me....
and it is showing me what has been revealed before;
And though I persisted, resisted and objected it,
I now find fragments of myself left trailing behind me.

There is no more energy to thrive,
No more endurance,
No more determination,
No more stamina.
All is left is a sense of depletion.....

Speechless and boggled
I have no answer but one choice...
to relief my efforts and
to accept the inevitable
...to relingquish something which
I had hoped, seeked and wanted for soo soo long.

Curves

Curves.
Sister to the more rigid uncurled linear line.
Curves makes an interesting sight.
Some raises my eye brow as do the beatings of my heart, much like the ones above,
Others can be found on exotic automobiles which
exists in the dreams of many and a reality of the few.
In most cases, curves make more interesting sights than its linear sibling.

That being verbalised,
I have to throw some caution to the air,
for taken to the extreme,
curves can be a visual displeasure,
or worse,
it can cast you into an abyss where it makes the cruelest of mentors.

For me, some curves are inching towards the extreme end.
No, I am not insinuating to any visual displeasure of my physical state,
though age does seem to compound the pounds around the abdominal region.

The curve which I am trying to insinuate to makes close ties to
deep waters,
harsh mentors, and
a cascade of never ending enduring lessons and tests
which hurls ripples of strong current waves towards my private life.
Indeed, the learning curves which I am launched into
the past few months have been distractingly provocative,
even my most zealous demeanor is often striving to stay afloat amidst
the inflow of lessons and tests coming my way.

At times, it feels as though before one lesson is over,
another is starting.
And before those two lessons are over,
I feel that I am in the midst of a test.
What an unnerving feeling.

But I am still threading in this ocean
just barely enough to stay afloat.
And while in that moment, I am slowly trying to
reconstruct the jigsaw pieces together,
Trying my utmost to decipher this certification
to which this sea of lessons I am entangled in.

Currently, I haven't the faintest idea
of what I am suppose to ultimately learn and
what skills I am suppose to acquire.
All I comprehend is that I have to go through all the lessons
before I can graduate and proceed.
Still don't know what lesson number I am at and
how many more to go.
And there doesn't seem to have an end in sight.

To forge this into perspective,
the lessons I am entrusted to complete stretches my endurance,
the tests I go through thrusts my prowess to the brink of my capabilities,
the learning curve I unknowingly commit myself into swings me
through bends at a moment's notice; forcing me to act dynamically in a fickle manner.
I am feeling so fatigued....

....I wish I had the box of the jigsaw which
depicts the finished composition;
makes easier digestion of the lessons,
tests and learning curves I have to muster.

While I do appreciate curves for all its beauty and splendor,
I do dread the ones I experiencing.
And as I experience and participate in more curvaceous activities,
I do hope that sometime in the near foreseeable future,
the coming activities will revolve around the right kind of curves,
ones which raises my eye brow and the beatings of my heart. ;)

Integrity

It is unusual for me to pen down political issues,
However, due to some current issues which has arisen in my country,
I will make the exception.
My motivation and rationalisation to vocalize this is not based on politics,
It deals with personal principles which one stands by;
Which in my view for this case is exemplary.

To succinctly put things into perspective,
Our country's de facto Law Minister (Datuk Zaid Ibrahim) resigned his post,
Due to the fact that the execution and application of my country's constitution
has been mis-interpreted and abused by current ministers of the cabinet.

While I will refrain from making comments on what has happened,
the key point to be made here is the fact that
ZI stood by his principles and left his post
citing that he could not make a difference
in catalyzing the much needed transformation in the country's judiciary system.
He rather quit than being associated with a group
who are against his integrity and personal principles.

This in my perspective is something to be respected.
Not only has he risen to the occasion,
he was able to attain perspectives with such clarity.
The clarity to differentiate issues,
what is right and needs be done.

Often we (which includes me) are faced with similar issues and
the question we need to ask ourselves is
"Given a similar circumstance, are we able to rise above the clutter,
and achieve the altitude to see a clearer perspective,
and in doing so, uphold our integrity regardless?"

I hope so....

Hence, to Zaid Ibrahim,
you have my utmost respect.
Your current actions stands as a benchmark for us all.