Just what I needed

Just got back.
Have been away for a bit to take a good rest from my work life. A great rest it has been.
Though, initially I planned to go on adventures to spark some excitement and passion within (considered back packing across Indochina to Bangkok, Climb Mount Kinabalu, and a trip to Bali).

However, as it turned out, it was the reverse as I spent much of my time with those whom are close to me. Not really the exciting adventure I had planned but one which in retrospect, I needed.

Went to Ipoh to spend time with my mum and dad.
Needed to get them involved in my life. Havent been doing that.
Also, I needed to strengthen some of my relationships (new and old).
So, I spent some time with my mentors and friends here and in Singapore.
Had a great time, though I ate too much from all the fancy dinners.

Hence this time round, what was originally planned out to fulfill my wants materialised as a trip to fulfill my needs. I really needed to be surrounded by family and close friends whom gave a hoot for me rather than galavanting aimlessly searching for things which I thought was what I needed. This trip gave me an introspective adventure within which helped mend some basic needs which I previously neglected. All in all, this trip has been very enriching.
In fact these past few months have been a series of circumstances which I need to refocus and reorganise myself.
Things are slowly begining to crystalise as I can see clearer on the things I need to do and matters I need to address. Some, I need to loosen my grip and let go. While others I need to firm up my grip and hang on closer. My journey towards an equilibrium state will be ongoing.

PS. And despite of catching up, I manage to squeeze in some time to shop. Got myself a brand new Digicam. Now I can post some refreshed pics on the blog. :P

Reflections: The Jumper (Part 1)

I never knew why I didn't really penned this down before. This was one of those crucial moments where subsequently I literally changed. One of my more memorable achievements which I like to share. Enjoy!

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At the break of dawn,
The aurora gently lights up the sky,
Slowly unveiling the scenic landscape from the blanket of darkness which preceded it.
Cool fresh air in abundance.

On the cliff edge,
Deep breaths,
Racing heartbeats,
Bounded legs,
Tense nerves,
Swelling anxieties,
Contradicting thoughts,
I can think of no better moment to do this.
I can think of no better way to go.
There is no turning back now.
I must face this head on, I must….

Three, Two, One……………….

All this began with the organization of a trip by the international students club.
A fairly simple free and easy trip to visit the infamous lake Taupo
to garner an appreciation for the magnificent views and splendor it has to offer.
One of the largest lakes in NZ, Lake Taupo is it is touted to fit the Singapore into it.
Breath taking views with full of activities,
All the right ingredients to make this an astonishing excursion.
Some arrive to soak up the spectacle,
Some arrive to rest and relax,
Some arrive to treat themselves with the multiple activities Taupo has to offer.

For me, I came here to settle a vendetta.
A personal vendetta which has haunted me for ages.
…my fear of heights.
My vendetta with this fear needs a finale.
Either I conquer and rise above it
Or be forever buried into the depths of my own fearful abyss.

The venue, A.J Hackett’s Bungy facility at Waikato River Valley,
upstream of Huka Falls, and just 5 minutes from the Great Lake.
The arena, a metal platform which stretches out from a cliff edge.
45 meters (147 feet) above the crystal clear ravine which leads into the lake.
Comparatively, that’s about as high as a 10 storey building.

Just the day before,
A group of us who in unison wanted to conquer our fears and satisfy our taste for adrenaline
sat afar at the foot of the ravine,
Looking and witnessing others who wanted to take the jump.
Some jumped and some withdrew,
There was even one HUGE Maori who needed 3 Bungy cords to accommodate his excessive mass.
He didn’t take leap.
As I watched the Maori retract his courage,
I imagined the sort of courage I myself needed to amass
to be standing at the edge of the platform…… and jump.

As the day dwindled down, we were left pondering
how will we all react standing at the edge.
That night, I was unable to lay myself to rest.
No doubt, the duel which lay ahead the next day had a lot to do with it.
One by one, the rest gave in to fatigue as I remained.
I was left with the familiar circumstance of being alone
to accumulate my nerve under the twinkling stars
sprinkled across the backdrop of the vast ebony sky…

At the break of dawn,
We were the first to arrive at the facility,
We registered, paid and literally signed our lives away.
For me, there was a unique sensation paying then signing the disclaimer.
As a close supporter so rightly put it,
“You pay others to gamble your lives away, only to relieve them
from any responsibility should anything happen to you.”
The words “ironic” and “paradoxical” flashes across my mind and
for one brief moment, I could have swore the word
“Fool” and “Sucker” emerged across my forehead.

I feverishly rubbed those words off, as I proceeded to the battle arena.
The 10 meter long platform protruding out from the cliff.
My competitive nature surfaces as I expressed my desire to be the first to leap off the platform.
Though I expected some resistance from the group, there were none.
I even thought of justifications as to why I wanted to be first.
Hmm….. At that split moment, I felt the familiar nudges under my forehead of re-emerging words.

Seated down at the front, I found myself getting acquainted with the 2 kiwi operators.
They spoke among themselves sharing past experiences.
While I think fate had nothing to with it, it was more them playing a demented prank on me,
They decided to openly “share” their mistakes with previous jumpers with me.
Careless mistakes, faulty equipment, emergency medical procedures, obituaries.
All these elements were weaved into a series of unfortunate news broadcasts to inform me of their “expertise”.
Even as they fasten my ankles with towels and Velcro, they told me that its old and a tad faulty.
They even asked me if I saw last night’s news…..
and when I answered no, they said it was good that I didn’t.
I shouldn’t be watching last night’s news, due to some unfortunate incident involving them, a jumper and some faulty Bungy cord.
One of them even offered to wash my hair by calibrating the Bungy cord to dunk my head into the ravine.
Gulp! All of a sudden, my own fears slowly cast a looming shadow over my intrepid temperament.
The 2 kiwis gestured me to step forward.
And now the time has arrived…

Reflections: The Jumper (Part 2)

On the cliff edge,
Deep breaths,
Racing heartbeats,
Bounded legs,
Tense nerves,
Swelling anxieties,
Contradicting thoughts,
I can think of no better moment to do this.
I can think of no better way to go.
There is no turning back now.
I must face this head on, I must….

Three, Two, One…. BUNGY!

And with a flying kiss of victory in front of the video camera,
I leaned forward.
My nerves are still intact and as concrete as can be,
Slowly, the gradient of my body descents….to the point of no return.
At that point, a devastating sensation of fear engulfs me,
shooting fear down my spine and firing panic signals simultaneously throughout my body.
And for that one minuscule point… time for me slowed to a standstill….
Though cliché, my life flashed before my mind and my eyes.
All the things I did, good or bad got together and decided hold a mardi gras in my mind.
What I did, what I didn’t, what I wanted to do, what I needed to do,
all jumbled up into one intricate kaleidoscope of visions.
What was a split second in reality, felt like a lifetime.

As I continued my rapid descent, more and more thoughts piled through my mind.
And then I had a moment of sudden understanding or revelation.
I had visions of what I can do better, what I ought to do and what I am required to do.
I understand my purpose, my passion and my zeal.

A gentle tug at my feet, breaks my mesmerized state and brings me back to the situation at hand.
I realized that I have arrived at the recoil point,
and with a gentle increase in tension, I was swept back up in an accelerated manner.
Ascending rapidly, I found myself hurtling towards the platform from where I leaped,
Moving closer towards a viewing window fixated in the middle of the platform.
And in my energized state, I sent a flirtatious flying kiss to all the viewers looking down upon me.
I could hear the ladies cheer on as I once again fall prey to gravity.

By then I am drunk with the sense of excitement and achievement.
Probably due to the flood of adrenaline pumping through my veins.
Once my bounce lost all its momentum, I was released from my binds and ferried to the riverbank.
There I sat feeling extremely exhilarated on my achievement and ready to take on the world.
Over the next hour or so, I was joined by my other Bungy counterparts,
each feeling ecstatic, each owning our personal epiphanies.
As the night returns, we sat around once more recollecting our achievements.
Though I am unable to express what my counterparts took away that day,
For me, I came out a changed person.
I felt strong, confident and vigorous.
That I am able to overcome whatever that crosses my path.
To do whatever I want to do and to achieve whatever I want to achieve.
What’s next? Skydiving? Diving with Great Whites? Surfing? Speed Skating?
Who knows? But whatever it is I choose to do…
I know I can do it!

….now, if only I can distinguish which part is the adrenaline talking and what comes from within….
:P

Epilogue

After reaching home, I ran my Bungy video to share the experience with friends.
As we watched the part where I leaped, we heard “Damn! Missed by a few inches!”
Those 2 kiwi operators had every intention of dunking me into the ravine. B*st*rds!

A year later, I had my second jump down in Queenstown off a suspended cable carriage.
Higher and more intense.
About 134 meters at Nevis Highwire Bungy. (About 439 ft)
Though the increase in intensity, it wasn’t as memorable as Taupo.
But I enjoyed it immensely anyway.
And if I have the chance to do it again, I will do it without any hesitation!

Oh, you must be wondering why I don’t talk much about my second jump...
Well, mum accidently found the video of my first jump in my bag when I came home for summer holidays and the rest was history.
She made me swear not to gamble my life like that ever again.
Hence officially, there wasn’t a second jump.
Shhhh! :p

Labourless Lens

Yes, I am currently a statistic to the country's official unemployment rate.
Yippe! 1 up for Labourless Lens!



Past few weeks have been hectic. Wrapping up projects and all.
Seems that I had more work to do when I was about to leave than when I was working.
Anyway, went to visit my parents last weekend.
Spent some time with them and catch some well deserved R&R.
Had a good time and manage to squeeze in some to convert one of my jottings on my initial arrival to NZ.

Also, I manage to recollect a past experience. This one is real exciting; well to me anyway.
Will post that after I fine tune it. :)

Life and how to live - Randy Pausch

I always wanted to write about this guy. Saw his video last year and I was inspired.
Most refer to this video as the "Last Lecture", but if you listen closely, the lecture is about Life and How to Live.

In this video, he shares his life with us and how he has lived it. And more importantly, he enlightens us with his perspectives on the things that really matters in life. These are the intangible moments which makes people feel good and gratified. We can learn alot on how to live from a guy whos is going to die. I am no exception to that fact. We can all learn a thing or two from this guy.

Have a watch of the "Life and how to live" video. This is a summarised version from Oprah.



If you have the time, should watch the full version which is about 80 mins long. And there was a really emotional moment in there. You can find the full version here.

Adult Things...

I just decided to do the adult thing and look into buying things which I Need rather what I Wanted.

I wanted a nice long holiday, travelling in central europe.
Still am really keen on it. Oh, how I wanted that. To go gallivanting in Prague. I even looked for theatre performances in Prague.

However, my more mature side told me I needed something more staple and closer to home. I needed a nice bed, and to furnish my home with nice curtains. My bed was a hand me down from my brother in 2000. And my house has DIY curtains which looks awful. Time to upgrade and buy.

Am looking into it, and goodness! It costs a bomb to get a relatively nice bed and a set of curtains.

Who'd think that I would get this domesticated and look at beds and curtains. Its been long overdue, hence I need to look into it.

Hmm... after this purchase, maybe I will save up and go for things I want next year. :P (*Still hopeful ;P *)

This is gonna hurt!

Manage to post another jotting from my past. Talks about catalyst and their part in our lives.
Had a read of it and reflected it upon some recent experiences. It has been a couple of years when I wrote this. Since then, I have journeyed long and learned a lot.

Catalysts still manifest itself before me and still manage to occasionally stir emotional turmoil within me.
And am especially thankful that there are those who still remain steadfast with me.

However, at this juncture, I have progressed much from my previous perspectives.

Before I cursed at hurtful catalysts and vowed to cast the wounded memories into pits of my mental crypt; never to let them resurface for the fear it may trigger some emotional response which may lead me into a feeble path.
I amplified my logical self to subdue my emotional sensitivities and built towering walls to seclude my emotions from harm, hate and despair.

Oh, how I deluded myself.
Deluded myself into thinking that emotional suppression was the solution to stay strong, impregnable and grow.

Goodness! I am sorely mistaken.
The walls shielded me momentarily.
Truth be told, the walls were far more damaging than I thought.
The walls inhibited my growth.
Like a pampered child, I only allowed myself to stumble upon areas with minimal exposure to harm, hate and despair.
And this hindered my ability to manage authentic experiences; especially to those exceptional catalyst who managed to break or was unknowing led thru the walls.
It was grueling to stay focused, calm and composed to say the least.

I now accept that building walls, shielding and secluding is not the solution.
It has made me weaker instead.
Over time, I found myself amplifying my need on steadfast support, and
spiraled around topics which weren’t addressed; for they lay “safe” within the confines of my impregnable wall.
I only manage to resolve the symptoms, where its pristine core was left free to cast more mayhem upon me.

Now, I find myself faced with a multitude of catalysts.
As though there was a global catalyst convention somewhere around the vicinity.
Each bringing their unique manner to infuse similar messages to me,
“Time for Change!”
“ Change!”
“ Change!”
“ Change!”

Pondering on the topic of catalysts once more, like a double edge sword, they are both good and bad depending how you perceive it.
They will bring tough lessons which makes it hard to digest
And though we want to regurgitate it out, it will be beneficial to us in the end as the lessons we learn are priceless and it readies us for better things to come; grueling at times as it may seem.

In retrospect,
I need to change and address my issues.

Time to drop the drawbridge and let the emotional side of me explore the kaleidoscope of emotions and ascertain the essential lessons each and every experience offers.
Time to address my fears and insecurities.
Time to heal and recover.
Time for self rediscovery.

Time to start digging up my mental crypt and expose it to some sunlight.
Ouch! This is gonna hurt! ;D