Careful what you wish for....

I once wished for things which I long to attain
I once wished for things which I thought will make things better
I once wished for things which I imagined would take me to greater heights..
And for once, it came true.

And while I was happy
I was blinded to the fact that
For every wish,
For every benefit,
For every light,
There is balance.
And the balance offsets the benefits.
As the saying goes.. it cuts both ways.

And as I assess it....
Either way, I would have to face up the downside of my granted wish.
How do I cope?
... turn a blind eye and assume things will turn out better?
Fraid not...

Now I am at a junction.....
... to stay or to let go....
such are the challenges of wishes...
Keep wishing.. and face up to the challenge of longing for it..... or
Receive the wish and take up the new challenges it brings...
cuts both ways..... :(

Tabula rasa

Tabula rasa refers to the epistemological thesis that individuals are born without built-in mental content and that their knowledge comes from experience and sensory perception.

For me, most interactions I have with others seem so.
I frequently find myself in a tabula rasa state with others.
Maybe its the defensive mechanism built upon me
subsequent the lessons I learned
from the multitude of past relationships
which enables me to move on and start a new.

There it seems I am most comfortable,
There it seems I find serenity,
My abode from all that defines the harshness of my reality.
Here I am able to gather my monologues
which seems to be devoid of emotions and
bountiful of logic and experience.

And that very logic and experience depicts that
I am only present where I am needed...
I will be present to those who need me
And once my tasks are completed and no longer needed,
I will once again set of upon another journey to which
will lead me to one who needs my presence.
in and out and all about..
Explains my melancholic demeanor.

Hard as I try to break free,
I find that every confine which I escape
leads me to another.
Still trying to find the absolute way out.
I pray that HE will lead me out of this.

"Lord, grant me safe passage out of the confines
which entraps me.
Lead me out of this repetitive blank slate which
restricts me,
Free me from all that binds me,
for I want to fill the blank slate and make it stay.
Amen"

A new day, a new challenge.....

Standing atop the ledge,
A lone voice shouts triumphant!
A sense of achievement encapsulates the moment and
A burden lifted

... or so it seems.
Now what has transpired
is the sense of insecurity
and another ledge has come forth

Stay, be contented and accept what lies before oneself
Or strive towards the ledge which has come forth.
Its effortless to stay,
But strenuous to go.....

Such are my monologues
However there are other elements which
makes this composite ever so confusing...
Stay and strive on the current, or
Move on and strive on another heading, or
Stay and wallow in the depths of oneself.

Thats a decision which now I have to commit to.
Definitely, the latter is not my preferred option,
For the preference is the former two.
I am really at a split on the two.
And I havent derived the answer.

Seems that HE is testing me yet again.
And the lessons are still coming as with the hurdles.
Yet I know not which path to undertake.
I pray that whilst HE is testing me,
HE will also provide guidance which
will give me clarity.

For this I pray that HE will grant me guidance in this.....

Rest if you must, but dont you not quit on us.....

Ahhh..... tis time I grace the pages of my musings once again,
Have been taking a breather from the creative side of my introspective self.
OK, so its a long breather.. but a good one.

For one brief moment, I had the perspective that the ledge I have been looking for
has been attained. "I am at my plateau"... the ledge which I so desperately wanted to find. For a while it seems like that too...

But as all good thing must come to an end, so has this.
I am beginning to sense what is yet an inevitable shift in my stable abode.
I should know as I have walked the path of many cycles, stumbling, tumbling and crashing.

Sensing "rain" approaching, I once again have to prepare change.
I have to set my sights on the next ledge in which I have to scale.
Seems that it is inevitable to escape my mountain goat nature.
Seems that I have yet another ledge to find and to climb
For the stable grounds which I have nested so far,
is set to crumble like a house of cards.

All the introspective monologues have resurfaced,
and started murmuring...
From silent whispers like the cool breeze sweeping across the meadow,
I now feel the vocal waves of chatter and clatter within....
"Rest if you must, but don't you quit on us!"
Indeed, I have rested, its time to journey on...
On to the next ledge which promises nothing but the present moment itself.

If anything at all my journeys has taught me one thing,
appreciate the present for the present it has presented to me.
For it has given me the opportunity to experience.
Whatever happens next is the next experience which I should appreciate,
be it good or bad. Think I am prepared. I better be....
for the experiences I have accumulate so far
has led me to this ledge which in turn will lead me to another....

Sounds confusing... try being with my inner self... ;P

2008

Been a while since I penned down anything,
For some its a good sign,
As those who frequent my musings know,
most of my writings are about turbulent circumstances.

Since my last entry,
circumstances have been kind.
Have been blessed with opportunities
to test my lessons and my ability to
accommodate and navigate through these forth comings.
Indeed, I have grown tremendously this year.

I am truly blessed and thankful for all
which is provided to me,
regardless the sentiments which it inflicts.

As the year completes its final cycle,
I am grateful for all it has taught me.
I feel more composed and more controlled.

Merci beaucoup to all which played a part in my growth.
And a fond Adieu to 2008.
This is truly the year which I am become an adult.
A part of me has gone in passing,
Whilst another has risen in its place.

So whats in store for 2009?
More lessons no doubt.
However, I feel more ready to confront these unknown forth comings.
And I shall face them with vigour.

Cheers!