Winds of change

The time has dawn down on me once again...
inevitably forcing me to change.
Things around me are no longer the same,
yet my inherent nature wants to remain the same,
But my inner thoughts dictates that if I don't (change),
it will lead me to my peril.

The signs are already showing.....
Seems that I have fallen off my previous path which drive me.....
Oh so desperately I run to climb back on....













Still running...
Still panting...
Gasping for air...
My legs burning....
Heart throbbing...
Losing focus...

The darker part of me tells me to just forget it....
"You lost your groove.....aint gonna get it back"

Yet another stands steadfast encouraging me,
"Persistence will bring its rewards..... Soldier on...."

Each day that voice carries me through another....
Cradling me when stumble...
Nursing me when I bleed...
Pushing me when I get fatigue....
I am praying that it will not stop

... till I get my groove back....

I am soo blessed!!!

I realise that I am.....

...not the most easy person to live with,
...bottle up,
...show my temper in silence,
...get disengaged when things dont go my way,
...impatient,
...stubborn.

But I am blessed with those around me
who put up with my imperfections,
and I have alot to be thankful for.

For that, I would like to thank all of the one(s) who,
...helps me constantly regardless of my situation,
...puts up with my temper,
...is supremely patient with me,
...lends a listening ear when I am ranting,
...guides me when I am lost,
...accompanies me when I am lost,
...pushes me when I get complacent,
...motivates me when I get lazy,
...inspires me when I drift aimlessly,
...helps me see above and beyond my peripheral vision,
...nurses me when I am sick,
...provides for me when empty,
...makes me whole when parts of me are missing.

I THANK ALL OF YOU for being there when I needed you most.

Most of all I thank GOD for rounding these outstanding individuals to aide me.

Bless you all.

My Journey's End

I know not what destination this path is leading me
I know not what characters I will be meeting
I do pray that I am able to see the destination of which its
trials and tribulations has obstructed my enjoyment of the journey.

Though they say that the destination matters not,
Tis the journey that matters,
At this current moment,
I beg to differ as
the destination will make the hardships and tribulations easier to endure.

This path is a full of characters, though
the journey seems filled with acquaintances which are distant.
Perhaps tis within I shall have to look and understand
Before my self expectations are imposed on to others,
for at times I fail to even understand what drives me to behave the way I do.

For that I do seek help,
to reconcile and understand my internal turmoils,
to focus on things which matters to me,
to lead myself towards the journey I desire,
So I may live free and meaningful.

For this I pray this understanding shall be granted to me,
So I may enjoy a fruitful journey towards my destination.
And through this journey, I seek to find the companions and partners
Which will forever enrich my life till my journey's end.

Still water runs deep...

Frustrations plunders my inner sanctuary,

Yet I do not allow the shattering depths of myself to surface.

Tranquility and Turmoil sharing my inner real estate.

It seems the walls which bounded me remains erected,

Imprisoning me from my desired freedom.

Chains which I once broke free from,

Are once again shackled at my ankles.

When will I be able to break free.

Am I able to break free?

In all the inner commotion,

All is calm on the surface.

Landscape remains flat with no notion of emotion.

Faceless expression shows no form of depression,

Yet there is a sense of dread which is under.

How will I break free?

When will I break free?

That is what remains unanswered.

Till the end I will know,

The true form of freedom will show.

Tis that time I can truely be free.

From my inner sanctuary.

The Road Ahead...

Hmm.. seems that the only time I write is
when I face uncertainties and challenges
Its that time again when I have to pen my thoughts.
I am again facing uncertainties,
Seems that I have fallen out of a relationship.
Just counldn't work it out and expectations on both ends didn't match.
Distance from my end was growing.
Things which I should have spoken, I didn't.
Guess that part of me still needs some work.
[note to self, need to improve on personal communication to others]

And to be fair she tried,
just that I kept her guessing me for far too long.
But the thing which broke it was her trip....
or shall I say trips.
Those decisions made didn't involve me,
and I felt it should have.
Afterall, we were in a relationship
and any decisions made had to take to the other into account.
And that didn't happen.

We were on different paths.
And for one brief period,
we were on parallel tracks.
And now those tracks are parting.
I guess its for the better.
And the decision was at least quick and clear.

Though there some sadness in me,
I am managing it.
And I am grateful [to God] to be given this experience.
Wouldn't change a thing if I had to redo any of it,
for I know HE has planned this for me to learn and grow.
Preparing me for my next relationship.
(Thank YOU Lord for this experience,
I know YOU are always looking out for my interest)

Now I continue my journey...
Hopefully the next experience,
I am able to embrace some constant in my relationship.
....