Reflections of my past: Part II

High school was pretty much the standard routine.

Social activities weren’t as abundant as I hoped it would be.
The usual after school classes and some school activities sporadically sprinkled across my weekly schedule.
Feeling like a misfit, I longed to be affiliated to a group who wanted me.
Who doesn’t?

Soon the longing disappeared as new found associations made its path towards me.
And such associations led me to a dishonorable path which till today holds a scared memory in the depths of my past.
Rebellious attitudes and disgruntled feelings seeded itself into my consciousness.
Iniquitous activities soon became a common ground where extorts, fights and illicit acts are routine and dare I say, close to being habitual.

What have I become?!?
I have turned into the thing which goes against all that has been instilled in me by my family. Turned into this thing which has no honor, self respect and discipline whatsoever.
Spiritually rotted from within, I am beyond redemption….
All this just to savor that sense of belonging and acceptance.

As though all hope is lost, no glimmer of salvation in sight,
A kindred soul appeared out from a distance, gently and slowly inching towards me.
Her warm grace and gentle glow welcomes me to a sanctuary where I reflected upon my hideous and repulsive persona.
I gazed in disgust, in anger and in great shame as reflections of myself engulfed me.

Is there any forgiveness for someone such as I?

“Yes”, a calm, soothing and gentle voiced echoed.
The angelic figure smiled and embraced me with a foreign welcoming warmth.
Rage, Disgruntled and rebellious intentions subsided within me as I felt calming and reassuring affections.
This is the true sense of belonging and acceptance I really needed.

Henceforth, my travels towards recovery was evident, though not uncomplicated.
There were instances where withdrawal symptoms enticed me to the nether regions of my dark past.
Calling to me, like cheap call girls soliciting for
commercial arrangements with bountiful freebies to offer.

I am made of sterner attributes than this as I have found my foundation, my perspectives and my belonging.

To the angel whose warm gentle glow had salvaged me from the depths of my own demonic abyss,

"I thank you, love you and cherish you."

Reflections of my past: Part I

Throughout my childhood, to call me a devious little kid was an understatement.
The things I would do to drive people around me up the wall.

There was the nails on the stool stunt which landed me an intimate acquaintance with a by product of the rattan tree; Mr Rattan cane. It was that time, I had a glimpse of what mum did for a living as I did the dance of mercy every time Mr Rattan got more and more acquainted with my legs. I could have sworn I heard Michael Jackson’s “Beat it” bopping in the background. She was a disciplinary teacher. A very good one at that I assure you.

There was also this time where I helped dad shade down his spanking brand new white Alpha Romeo into dirt grey by incessantly climbing all over it barefooted. He loved that car. But I guess he loved me more, because dad was cool about the incident. He just smiled at me and proceeded to repaint the car into a dark maroon color. Yeah, dad was a cool guy. All fun and laughter.

Then there was the spark I started….. which well, turned into a small flame and then proceeded into a full blown blaze where the fire marshals were called in to put my spark out. What can I say, engulfed with the primal instinct to re-discover fire and always wanting to out do myself, I started to nurture the flame, bit by bit until it grew into an adolescent like state and like all adolescents, it grew up into rebellious little uncontrollable monsters. Similar to my Mercy dance, the rebellious flame danced and skipped and jumped, and soon…. spawning out to several others. It was then my uncle called the fire marshals to put the fire out. Hello Mr Rattan! Damn that MJ tune again.

Always wanting to know what the consequences were, I ventured into the boundaries of my parent’s sanity and then proceeded to climb over. Yes, I was a curious kid. Still am. And my childhood seems to circle around similar themes which resulted in the customary dance and acquaintances.

Life was pretty much it for me at that time. Carefree and happy for the most part. Sheesh, how I miss that.