The Complexity which is Me

Had an interesting conversation tonite.
What was supposed to be a get to know each other session
Turned out to be a revelation of my subconscious self.

As the conversation went,
Thoughts of my subconscious flooded over to my consciousness.
And as I sit and ponder those thoughts,
I came to realization that the reason that I am unable to be fully understood,
Was not the fact that I didnt let anyone near my dreaded fears;
nor was it others have not tried hard enough to understand me.

The REAL reason of my solitude was....
the inner complexities within me which makes others hard to comprehend and digest.
This leads to my solitude,
And as I curse the world for not being able to understand me,
It was me who is far to complex too be understood.
And though I try to mask this by reiterating the notion of simplicity within me,
I have come to realise is I AM FAR TOO COMPLEX A PERSON TO BE UNDERSTOOD to begin with....

Took me this long to realise this.

Others are unable to relate, thats a fact,
And I pray that one eventually will.
Till then, I will try my very best to untangle myself from this complexity which
I have weaved and knotted myself in.

That time of the year again....

Yes, its that time again for me...
The annual affair where I celebrate the beginings of my existence
Yes, Its my birthday!

Happy Birthday to me!

Conventionally I always kept my birthday to myself.
Well, its not anything anti social. Just that I treat it as a "Me" day.
A day where I just do what I wanted to do without anyone influencing me.
And despite popular believe, I am pretty introverted to some sense.
I dont share my past and feelings much with others.
Only a select few have that access.

But with the recent changes / transformation I faced the past few months,
I think that its time for the change.

Guess. for this year.. I will open up a lil.
So, here goes, 11 things few know about me (until now):

1. I bungie jumped and loved it. (Took 2 days to wipe that smirk off my face!)
   
2. I broke my right arm when I was 7 yrs old. (Was trying to impress a girl while swinging on monkey bars at the playground)
3. I was bitten by my neighbor's female dog on my face when I was 8 yrs old. (People tease me that my first kiss was from a bitch!)
4. I love to jog (helps me focus on my thoughts)
5. I once lost a dare and ate the most disgusting thing to date... Balut (Duck Embrios), from the Philipines. Yucks! (Its like 10 times the taste of roasted Duck Butt!, Don't ask about the Duck Butt...)
   
6. Standing beside animals(especially fish) bigger than me freaks me out. (I freaked out standing beside a giant Garupa once and it still freaks me out! :S )
7. My first pet was a mongrel I rescued from the drain behind my house. (To date, I still think Browny was my best pet eva!)
8. My record of over stuffing myself was 16 slices of pizzas and 7 pepsis. (Hey, it was a dare and Pizza Hut was having all-you-can-eat-and-drink). Second was 6 Wan Tan Noodles + 3 drinks + 1 extra bowl of Wan Tan. Third was 16 scoopes of Hagen Daaz Ice Cream (Yes, it was an all-you-can-eat affair)
9. I am a sucker for Sci Fi movies (even the Z grade stuff)
10. I am a sucker for Paddle Pop Rainbow Ice Cream. (Makes me feel like a kid all over again. :P
11. I fancy things which are Green. (Subconsciously, I have a tendency to choose green for the things I like).
    

There. Hope this is a good start to more good changes to come!!!

Cheers!

~Lens~

Inspiring thougts by Bertrand Piccard

Tai Chi

First and foremost it is not what you think, I am not going into that…. In fact the more I see or say it, The more I despise it. I despise it not for its health benefits, I despise it not for its graceful movements, I despise it not for its self defense…. Actually, I despise it for its self defense properties. Let me explain.

Around the world, Tai Chi is a graceful art of self defense and exercise. Here where I live, it has a second connotation. Here Tai Chi also referred to as the art of deflecting or escaping responsibilities. I am implore anyone who reads this…. DO NOT TAI CHI YOUR WORK TO OTHERS!!!! It is damn irritating. Please grow up and take responsibility as you are assigned.

I had an unusual displeasure of experiencing such atrocious situation It happened when a call for help reached out to me to manage a logistics for a meeting. As I was busy, I politely declined. However, due to this person’s being out of the country at the setup time and persistence, I finally agreed. Little did I know that there was more to come. When the meeting came, This were set up and done with. But this person decided to push the envelope.

First it was the meeting briefing to participants, Again, this person asked me (or tai chi-ed) to do the briefing. Without much hesitation, I did. I was there, and could spare 5 minutes. Then came the second briefing, Again, I was again Tai Chi-ed to do the briefing. I did. Came the third, This person had to arrange for logistics after the meeting. Up came this person expecting me to do it, Since I did the setup this person must have thought. But I had other things to do so I couldn’t do it. Then came the fourth, Again I was tai chi-ed to give another briefing. I got annoyed and declined. Thinking that persistence would work again, This person kept on Tai Chi-ing the 3rd briefing to me. Standing steadfast I declined (Which part of NO does this person not understand, the “N” or the “O”?)

Seeing that this was getting nowhere
This person showed the bratty side and stormed off.
Eventually, this person did the briefing but manage to tai chi the logistics to another.
For the rest of the evening, I was given the cold shoulder and bratty face.
After the meeting as everyone (including me) packing up,
This person, the Project Manager, hid in a room and not lend a hand.
I know that there are other work to be done,
But so does everyone.

I FAIL to understand the premise of this attitude.
Project Manage means you have to ensure that things go well,
And if need be, get the hands abit dirty to get the job done,
NOT Tai Chi work and show bratty faces when things don’t go your way.

So, dear readers PLEASE DO NOT TAI CHI YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES TO OTHERS.
It pisses off others when they do the work and you are not contributing.

Winds of change

The time has dawn down on me once again...
inevitably forcing me to change.
Things around me are no longer the same,
yet my inherent nature wants to remain the same,
But my inner thoughts dictates that if I don't (change),
it will lead me to my peril.

The signs are already showing.....
Seems that I have fallen off my previous path which drive me.....
Oh so desperately I run to climb back on....













Still running...
Still panting...
Gasping for air...
My legs burning....
Heart throbbing...
Losing focus...

The darker part of me tells me to just forget it....
"You lost your groove.....aint gonna get it back"

Yet another stands steadfast encouraging me,
"Persistence will bring its rewards..... Soldier on...."

Each day that voice carries me through another....
Cradling me when stumble...
Nursing me when I bleed...
Pushing me when I get fatigue....
I am praying that it will not stop

... till I get my groove back....